5 Things I Learned From my Mother

1.  Your children will always need you."I'm coming to see you," Mom told me. I still remember feeling a wave of relief wash over me when I heard those words, carried over phone cables resting at the bottom of the Atlantic.I was expecting my first baby, and I was in the Persian Gulf emirate of Dubai. I felt very alone and had just been told I had gestational diabetes.  The suffocating summer heat was approaching.  Mom made the 24-hour-journey and took me shopping for fabric in the old, outdoor souq and out to an amazing Moroccan dinner on the sea.  She took the fabric back to the US, where she sewed the most intricate baby's quilt and bedding set I'd ever seen--then shipped it back to me.A couple of years later, Mom made an even more perilous journey to the foothills of the Himilayas in rural Pakistan to visit my sister, Ashley, who was doing humanitarian work there.  In some places, Mom had to wear a periwinkle burka, due to the extreme dress codes for women there.  I've always known that Mom inherited the gumption and bravery of her own mother, Gloria Eberhardt Mettler, a 2nd Lieutenant in the Army Nurse Corps who treated the wounded soldiers after D-Day from a hospital in England.And at the end of the day, I know that if I need my mom, she's going to be there, no matter where, no matter what.2. Hard work never hurt anybody.    My friends counted down the days until summer vacation.  My siblings and I, however, knew what we could expect as soon as school was out:  farm and house chores!  Looking back now, I realize the setup was brilliant:  we five kids had to eat breakfast before 8:00, because that's when "the kitchen's closing," meaning mom was going to clean it and didn't want any more dirty dishes, muddy footprints or clutter.  Each day, she wrote on small strips of paper two chores per paper, then folded them up into tiny bits and dropped them in a kitchen bowl.  We kids would stand around and "draw chores."I remember the coveted chores, if you could call them that, were in the air-conditioned house, like deep-cleaning the Girls' Bathroom (it's still called that, due to four daughters who grew up sharing it), or dusting.  The less fortunate sibling drew the paper with "water fruit trees" or "weed front flower beds."   And how can we forget the dreaded "Pick up rocks in front field?"When we were done, we would call Mom for "inspection."  I remember holding my breath while she reviewed my cleaning, particularly the bathrooms, and regularly telling me I needed to "use more elbow grease on that."  I spent my entire childhood wondering what the heck elbow grease was and where I could possibly find some. I think I was too embarrassed to ask -- so, instead, I just scrubbed harder on the spots and, to my amazement, my cleaning usually passed "inspection" the second time!   Once we were done with chores, we were able to go to our special spot on the creek, "Frog Island," or to the pool to see our friends and swim the afternoon away.Mom led by example in her hard work; to this day, she's still one of the hardest working people I know.  She's worked as an ER nurse, a travel agent, a mother of five and still works as a public health nutritionist. This year marks 50 years of her dedication to the field of nursing.3. Forgiveness is not a one-time act; it's an ongoing choice we make.  I still remember the heart-to-heart talk on my parents' back patio. When she said that, I appreciated it for its wisdom, and still do.  For most humans, forgiveness doesn't happen with a magic wand; it is a brave action they must choose every time they think about a hurtful episode. It's also not a one-size-fits-all act. That is, there are different types of forgiveness based on different factors, some of which are out of our control.  But the bottom line is:  forgiveness is an act of love, which sometimes involves courage.4. Education is something no one can take away from you.   I remember Mom telling me as a young girl how important it was to get a college degree.  "You never know when you might need it," she said.  I believe there are many paths to professional success, and that college is not the best option for every student.  But in my case, Mom was right. There would come a time when my college degree and faculty recommendations were among the few things I had to my name. Mom is the granddaughter of German immigrants who came to the United States in search of opportunity.  From the farm in the Ozarks where my parents still live, she and my dad have supported me and my sisters and brother throughout much of our educational journeys--and I think it says a lot about them that all five of us have achieved either Master's or Doctorate degrees. Mom, you now have a doctor, a lawyer, a nurse, and a counselor who can help you get through pretty much anything life throws at you (and a journalist who can, at the very least, write about you).5. There's no one quite like me.   My mother raised five kids, but she set aside one day every six months or so for a "spoil day" for each of us individually.  That's where she would take me or one of my siblings to get clothes we needed and take us out to lunch, just the two of us.   I remember telling her, as a scrawny, short 12-year-old that I was worried I would never grow like the other girls and that I feared I'd be stuck wearing girls' size clothes forever (those were back in the days that girls' clothes were easily identifiable as "little girls' clothes." Totally embarrassing at the time, as I recall.) Perhaps my angst played a role in "Spoil Day" being ratcheted up to "Spoil Vacation" because, for my 13th birthday, Mom scored some amazing airfare and discounts through the travel agency she and my dad co-owned with my grandparents.  Mom took just me to Australia, where we saw "The Marriage of Figaro" in the Sydney Opera House, learned about the Indigenous peoples from Aboriginal leaders (who taught me, among other things, how to throw a boomerang), and snorkeled in the Great Barrier Reef.In summary, I'm raising a glass to my mother, who raised the bar. The elbow grease she expected, the rules she kept, the dreams she inspired and the love she continues to show are lessons to live by--and lessons that live on.